With the Devil in the Desert
A pit forms in my stomach
As I watch the sun rise
The devil has drawn me out to the desert
With trinkets and worthless things
When I went out to follow
I was relentlessly beat
I find myself at a loss
Things are getting better
But the chains never seem to break
Jesus I want to believe you are all I need
I want to be still and know that You are God
But I cannot draw near to You
I cannot reach to Your Head or Your body
Even in the wise heathen's words
I find no rest
Yet I see
That I have had rest
I have had hope
Even then I consider their source
And wonder if I've deluded myself
With self created counterfeits
If I have false hope
Every which way I turn I avoid
Having You as my hope
The roof crashes down on us
Lord my God
And with every inch it sinks
We are pushed farther apart
And I see less and less of You
Father You know
You are stronger than I
Why then do You stand still?
I know that my mimicry of Atlas
Does no good
But I cannot bear to be buried
And no longer see You
God I am holding on
With the nails on my fingertips
But my strength fails
Your Word says that You hold me
I know it must be true
Then why is it when I let go
I feel I'm falling through
God
If Your power is made perfect
Through my weakness
Your power has been made perfect
As many times as there are
Grains of sand on the shore
Is this life with You?
If so then why can't I hear Your voice
I am a blind man
In a world of darkness
Unsure if the lantern I'm holding is lit
Tugged along the path by
The Spirit of God
God your zealous watch me like vultures
Aching to swoop in and save me in Your place
Offering me secret after secret
That I may know You and be satisfied
Their snake oil wisdom pours from their mouth
As they are deluded into holding the key
Yet I have jammed them all
In the door to freedom
And it still does not budge
No evil spirit has authority over me
No demon resides within me
I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit
He resides within me and does miracles through me
I have laid off every secret shackle
There is no secret left to exhaust
I remember I once
Walked through the door of freedom
When did I depart
If I ever did at all
Or rather
Did the Spirit depart from me?
I beg you, men of wisdom
Be slow to speak
Quick to listen
Pick your sheep up from the depths
And when you run to save them
When you depart from the 99
Do not lead down from the heights
And secure their neck with your staff
For when you attempt to raise them up
You become a noose
I beg that you descend to them
And carry them in your arms
All I ever wanted was for someone to see
For someone to listen
For someone to understand
For someone to love
~
Speak, Lord. I'm listening.