Lord, day by day I am withering
Past and future are my companions
The past is littered with failure
And the future is an idol
And the present is never enough
I am exhausted with myself
Finding success in things for which I do not care
Painfully unchanging in the things that really matter
Clutching on to an unchanging, godforsaken perspective.
In the depths of confusion
The light cannot reach
And truth and lies wear the same skin
Am I giving grace to myself
Or am I storing up treasures
In the bushels that will be
The gluttony of Armageddon?
Am I rising into my mission field
Or are these successes a trap
By which I shall be dragged away
From true purpose
And life spent with You
Do I hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or in my pursuit of presence from and treasures in Heaven
Have I lost sight of the Way?
Father I beg you-- winnow my mind
Simplify the cacophony in which I have wrapped myself
Into splendid and simple melody
May I fix my gaze on You and You alone
May I reject the hellish whispers
And in so doing may I be lifted from the mire
Set upon the Rock
For Lord, in this place, living is a product of hope alone
Hope that there is a man in the future
Who shares my name and my story
Who loves to live
And was born from a me who wants to do the same
Yet as time passes me by
I continue to claw away at a past which I can never return to
In pursuit of a greater future
I wonder if already
I have obliterated the brightness you held for my future
By merit of my own iniquity
God, please, may I be proven too weak to do so
For all I have lamented my lack of strength
May it make your power perfect
May there be redemption for the redeemed
May there be salvation for the saved
For truly You have shown me the still better Way
Yet because You have, all the more does it kill me knowing
That each and every day I fail to walk in it
Jesus
That I might walk!
That I might reflect You
That I might pour out love and living waters
On those who I am blessed to spend these days with
I promise
Despite every wicked word I've uttered to the contrary
Despite how starkly these sweet nothings
Stand against the sin-sunk substance of my soul
That all I want
Is more of You and less of me