To the fellow saints in the snare of self-resentment borne of their overwhelming dependence on grace
Jesus, You are my Lord, my Savior, my Shepherd.
When I was in the depths of Sheol,
You descended to embrace me,
To carry me up,
And to set me on solid ground.
The fire of Your Spirit thawed my heart,
Which was bathed in the frigid, stagnant waters
Of the place of death.
Yet in striving to lay down myself
And still averting my gaze from You,
I look down into the pits
And admire the glimmer in the pools below,
Entranced, hypnotized, ensnared.
I ignore the reality that the glimmer in the pool
Is a dim and demented reflection
Of the (Son/sun) behind me.
I rest with, I cozy up to my demise
As I slowly slide down
The ravenous gullet of death.
Lord, I have seen Your brilliance and Your radiance.
Why then, is it better to me
To rest in the jaw of the lion
Than to take the leap into abounding glory?
I have tasted and seen that You are good
And Your love endures forever.
You have consistently demonstrated Your faithfulness.
Every leap that You have called me to--
And that I have taken--
Landed me deeper into Your wondrous abode,
Has brought more of heaven down to earth.
Yet as You call me in the garden,
I continue to hide from You,
Jolting into the coil of the serpent,
To avoid standing before You
To avoid being truly seen by You
(Or so I deceive myself)
To avoid meeting Your gaze
To avoid fixing my eyes on You
All the while bleating Your name
In despair of my own iniquity
Wretched man that I am!
God help me.
Give me the mind, the sense, the Spirit
That I may pursue You with all that I am.
'Till that day come, God help me
To be a Jonah or a Samson.
If I must deny relationship with You
With bloody defiance,
Chaining my eyes to the mirror
And subjecting myself to my fear and imperfection,
May You use me.
Work Your miracles,
Use evil for good,
I plead.
In my weakness,
Make Your power perfect.
As I am repetitively pierced
By the depths of Your faithfulness and Your grace,
As I am continuously confronted by my apathy
In the face of Your overwhelming goodness
That I do not deserve,
May Your light fill my inner being, my inner man.
Renew me into less of me and more of You.
May my flaming lust for wandering be extinguished
By Your breath in me,
By Your living waters flowing forth from me.
Show me again
The sparkle of the trees
As we walk through the garden.
~
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