GOD HELP ME
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
HOW WAS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW
THAT THE TINY SEED OF ANTICIPATION AND IMAGINATION
WOULD GROW ALL CONSUMING
THAT IT WOULD CLUTCH ME SO TIGHTLY
THAT IT WOULD CHOKE ME OUT
~
I WAS JUST A CHILD WITH IMAGINATION
ANTICIPATING LOVE WITH MENTAL MARIONETTES
THEY DIDN'T IMITATE ANYONE REAL
BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE TO IMITATE
AND BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE TO IMITATE
I SO EASILY BOUGHT STOCK IN THE LOVE SOLD TO ME
BUT WHAT CREATED SHAPED ME
I GREW MY OWN STRINGS
I IDENTIFIED MYSELF WITH THE UNREAL
AND RECOILED IN REALITY
AT THE DISSONANCE BETWEEN US
I DISTANCED MYSELF FROM THEM ALL
BUT NOT BEFORE I LEARNED
TO STEAL THOSE WHO ARE REAL
INTO MY DEMENTED DREAMS
TO RIP OUT THEIR SUBSTANCE
TO PUT THEM ON STRINGS
TO USE THEM FOR MY WHIMS
TO SINK DEEPER INTO MY BED OF DEATH
I DISFIGURED MYSELF
BY ADOPTING FALSE REALITY
UNTIL I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR
AND NO LONGER IDENTIFIED
WITH HIM WHO STARED BACK AT ME
I CRIED WHEN THE ONLY PEOPLE
THAT LOOKED LIKE ME WERE DEMONS
THERE THEY WERE
ALL TOO HAPPY TO JOIN THE DREAM
BINDING AND ISOLATING ME
UNTIL THEY COULD LEAD ME
TO SHE WHO WAS WILLING
TO MAKE PERVERTED DESIRE REALITY
THANK GOD THAT I AM SET FREE
BUT WHY THEN DO I STILL HOLD ON
I TALK MYSELF DOWN FROM EVERY STEP FURTHER
WITH THE REASSURANCE OF FANTASY AS MY FOUNDATION
IT COILS AROUND ME
IT CLUTCHES ME TIGHTLY
IT ASPHYXIATES ME
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
HOW WAS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW
I SLAM ON THE BARRIER OF TIME
CONSTANTLY PUSHING ME BACK
FROM REACHING OUT TO THAT BOY
AND TELLING HIM TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT
TELLING HIM TO LOVE THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM
INSTEAD OF CREATING TWISTED VERSIONS
OF THEM INSIDE HIS MIND
GOD HELP ME
TO THIS DAY I STARE IN THE MIRROR
AND PONDER IF THE IMAGE WILL EVER LOOK RIGHT
I STAND, HOLDING MY ARM OUT
AND AIMING AT THE MIRROR
AND WONDER IF I SHOULD FIRE ON THE MIRROR
OR THE MAN STANDING IN FRONT OF IT
GOD HELP ME
TO LOVE LIKE YOU LOVED
TO SEE THEIR HEARTS BY DRAWING NEAR
TO ERUPT FROM THE COIL
TO TAKE THE STEPS OF COURAGE
TO REACH OUT AND DISCOVER REALITY
YET STILL HOLD ON TO HOPE
YET STILL DREAM
YET STILL FIX MYSELF ON WHAT IS GOOD AND LOVELY
YET STILL SET MY MIND ON THAT OF GOOD REPORT